PROCESS

I believe that sometimes it is necessary to consciously set your goals and expectations very low. Especially in phases when I feel depressed, I realise that on some days it is enough just to eat something or write to a friend. Sometimes it is also enough to read a few pages or go outside briefly to smoke a cigarette.

Often, all of this is less significant than we constantly imagine it to be. In such moments, it helps to trust that things will change and follow their own dynamic. That not everything can be controlled or shaped – nor does it have to be. Giving up control can mean hoping that a feeling of security will return, that you will feel better and that your self-esteem will return to a point where life seems worth living again.

However, these phases also have something positive about them. Every time when existing feels easier again, I enter a state of flow. I start to create, meet new people and discover new interests. Suddenly, life seems beautiful again, which I am very grateful for. It feels like emerging from the water and finally taking a breath again.

That is exactly what I am experiencing right now, and I am very grateful for it. Even though this process is ongoing and continues to be challenging, I am learning again and again how essential a supportive social environment is and that friendships and encounters shape our lives.

At the same time, I realise that I can no longer harmonise with some people. This is not meant to be judgemental, but rather describes how different expectations and behaviours can clash and create an imbalance. Breaking away from such relationships is particularly difficult when they have played an important role for a long time. Ultimately, however, this step feels liberating.

I would like to thank everyone who has accompanied and supported me over the past few months. I am deeply grateful for this.
You may have saved a life.